Broken Rules Page 22

  Finally he lifted his head, knowing his eyes were bloodshot and his nose was red, but Sanyam smiled down at him, tears in his own eyes, and tilted Fox’s chin up, thumbing his dimple.

  “I’ve missed you so much, meri jaan,” he whispered. “Will you come inside and talk to me?”

  Fox nodded, hiccupping, and Sanyam opened the door.

  They were attacked by a small brown cloud the second they stepped inside. Polly climbed Fox like a tree, squeaking in a ferocious volley, and Fox couldn’t help his soggy laugh as he caught her.

  “She’s been impossible,” Sanyam said, petting Polly as she snuggled in under Fox’s chin. “Clingy and whiny and demanding I bring you back.”

  “I’m here,” Fox told Polly, who purred even louder. “I’m sorry I left you, but I’m back now, I promise.”

  Sanyam took Fox’s hand and drew him to the couch. “We have some things to talk about. Is that all right?”

  Fox nodded and sat, putting Polly on his knees. When Sanyam withdrew, though, Fox grabbed his hand.

  Sanyam froze, and Fox ducked his head, petting Polly with his free hand, focused on Sanyam’s touch but unable to look at him.

  “I… looked up what you said,” he told Polly’s back, afraid to meet Sanyam’s eyes.

  “I still mean it,” Sanyam said, squeezing Fox’s hand. “I’ll always mean it.”

  “It scares me,” Fox confessed, finally looking up. Sanyam’s eyes were full of sympathy. “I’m—I don’t deserve it, and—no, please, let me finish”—as Sanyam tried to speak—“but even though I don’t deserve it, I still want it. I want you to love me as much as—” His throat closed. “As much as I love you.”

  Sanyam caught his breath on a laughing sob and covered his mouth, eyes filling with tears. “Oh, kit, do you mean it?”

  Fox nodded, terror and hope choking him. “I’ve—never meant anything more.”

  “May I kiss you?” Sanyam asked.

  “Yes please,” Fox said.

  Sanyam leaned forward, and their lips met, soft and tasting like salt, as Polly dug her claws into Fox’s thigh to prevent being moved. Fox laughed breathlessly against Sanyam’s mouth and deepened the kiss, pressing inside with quick sweeps of his tongue.

  Finally, though, he had to break away to loosen Polly’s grip. “Sorry,” he said to Sanyam. “Your cat’s… determined.”

  “I think she’s every bit as much your cat now,” Sanyam said, stroking Polly’s back.

  “I guess it’s a good thing I’m not allergic.” Fox sobered. “We need to… discuss some other stuff.”

  “Of course,” Sanyam said immediately.

  “I don’t….” Fox sighed. “I don’t like it when you boss me around or try to manipulate me outside the bedroom.”

  Sanyam nodded. “I’m sorry, kit. At first I didn’t even realize I was doing it, and then I justified it to myself that you clearly needed to be taken care of, so I was doing you a favor. It’s inexcusable, but I was—no.” He shook his head. “I’m doing it right now. It won’t happen again.”

  “Yeah,” Fox said, squeezing his hand. “And if it does, I’ll call you on it, okay?”

  “Good,” Sanyam said. “Is there anything else?”

  “I—” Fox took a breath. “I don’t know if I want kids.” He ducked his head and waited for Sanyam to withdraw, to tell him that was too much, but Sanyam didn’t move. Finally, Fox glanced up.

  Sanyam’s eyes were sad, but he smiled, rubbing Fox’s knuckles with a thumb. “I only want children with someone who wants them as much as I do. If you’re not ready, or you don’t want them, then—” He lifted a shoulder. “You are much more important to me than future, hypothetical children who don’t even exist.”

  The weight on Fox’s chest eased. “I’d be a shitty father anyway,” he pointed out.

  “Agree to disagree,” Sanyam said, smiling at him. “But that’s neither here nor there. Did you have anything else?”

  Fox marshaled his thoughts. “I think that’s it.”

  “I have something too,” Sanyam said.

  Fox braced himself.

  “It’s not bad,” Sanyam said hurriedly. “I just… I want to be able to call you my boyfriend.”

  Fox grimaced.

  “I’m proud of you,” Sanyam said gently, thumb stroking the back of Fox’s hand. “I want to be able to introduce you to people as my boyfriend. I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I won’t because that might embarrass you.”

  Fox laughed and gave up. “Fine. Anything else?”

  “I want to touch you,” Sanyam said. “I want to know I won’t be rebuffed when I reach for you when we’re not having sex. I like touching you, kit, and it hurts when you pull away or make a rude comment. I won’t be an octopus, but—”

  Fox took a shaky breath and set a protesting Polly on the couch so he could crawl forward into Sanyam’s arms. He burrowed close as Sanyam pulled him in and pressed a cheek to his hair.

  “I’m sorry,” Fox said into Sanyam’s shirt. “I’ve just been so scared, and—”

  “I know, kamsin,” Sanyam murmured. “We’ll start over, all right?”

  Fox closed his eyes and nodded as Polly hopped onto his hip, making annoyed noises at having been dislodged.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Three months later

  FOX STOOD in front of Sanyam’s closet, staring at the yellow-and-green dress hanging there. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Sanyam had kept it, honestly, but somehow he still was. He reached out and touched the silk fabric with one finger. It rustled, and Fox snatched his hand back.

  “What’s taking so long?” Sanyam yelled from the other room.

  “Sorry!” Fox said. “Just… getting something.” He lifted the dress off the hanger and carried it to the bed to lay it out. “Hang on a minute, okay?”

  It pooled over the bed in folds of liquid sunshine, almost glowing in the late afternoon light. It was gorgeous, Fox had to admit, and he suddenly wanted—he closed Sanyam’s door and yanked his clothes off before he could change his mind.

  The dress settled over his head with a silken shuff and fell in soft drapes to his calves. Fox contorted himself and managed to zip up the back with a triumphant noise before smoothing his hands over the fabric and moving to the mirror.

  You can still put on a dress. It won’t make you any less of a boy.

  His reflection gazed back at him, eyes wide and afraid. His long neck was accentuated by the low neckline, and he looked delicate, almost ethereal, against the vivid gold silk.

  Fox took a deep breath. He didn’t know where the stockings and gloves were, and he was afraid he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t do this now. He moved for the door, the fabric swishing around his legs.

  Sanyam was naked on Fox’s bed, arms folded beneath his head and ankles crossed as he gazed at the ceiling and whistled a formless tune under his breath.

  Fox cleared his throat and Sanyam lifted his head and then sat up so fast he nearly fell off the bed, his eyes going round.

  “What are you—Fox.”

  “Is this… okay?” Fox asked.

  Sanyam stood up and approached him, hands outstretched, and Fox took them as Sanyam looked him up and down with wonder in his eyes.

  “It’s better,” he said. “My god, Fox, look at you, you look… amazing. Incredible. Divine.”

  “Flatterer,” Fox said, laughing as warmth spread through his chest.

  Sanyam drew him to the bed and laid him down on it, the dress puddling around Fox’s thighs. Fox sank onto the pillows, breath sharp and short in his throat as Sanyam straddled him, a gleam in his eyes.

  “May I make love to you, Fox?” he whispered.

  “We’re literally in the bedroom,” Fox pointed out. “You don’t have to ask.”

  “We’ve also never done this before,” Sanyam murmured as he dropped his head to nibble along Fox’s jawline. “I want to make sure this is all right.”

  Fox turned his face to capture
Sanyam’s lips, tasting the tea he’d been drinking earlier. “I love you,” he said when they broke apart. “I want you, please, San, please fuck me.”

  Sanyam shuddered and pressed his forehead to Fox’s chest. “Mashalla, I’ll never be over you begging, kit.”

  He pulled away and reached for the lube on the nightstand, then scooted down the bed and settled between Fox’s splayed legs. He didn’t lift the dress, though. Instead, he ran his hands up Fox’s thighs, caressing and rubbing until he got to his groin.

  Fox hissed as Sanyam clasped him through the silk, nerve endings waking as he bucked into Sanyam’s fist. “Fuck, fuck, San—”

  “Feel good, mastana?” Sanyam asked.

  Fox nodded, eyes rolling back as Sanyam stroked him. “Ah—San, oh God, not yet, please—”

  Sanyam backed off, and Fox dragged in air, willing his body back from the edge. The look in Sanyam’s eyes made him shiver. He pulled his knees up and planted his feet on the bed, the skirt falling back against his stomach, and Sanyam took a startled breath.

  “Gulbadan,” Sanyam murmured, planting a kiss on Fox’s knee. “My beautiful hamraaz.”

  “What’s—that one mean?” Fox managed as Sanyam coated a finger with lube and ran it around his entrance.

  Sanyam smiled up at him. “‘Gulbadan’ is ‘rose-bodied,’ because you are perfect and lovely, and ‘hamraaz’ is someone you love and share secrets with.” He pushed his finger inside and waited as Fox gasped and fought to accept the intrusion. “So perfect.”

  He took his time opening Fox’s body, stretching him on two and then three fingers with gentle, inexorable precision, murmuring endearments and encouragement until Fox was shaking all over, clutching at the bedspread.

  “Please,” Fox begged. “Please, San, I need—”

  Sanyam pulled out and went to his knees, shuffling into position. Fox was leaking slow, heavy drops that stained the fabric rubbing against his shaft every time he moved, cranking his arousal higher with each brush of silk on skin.

  He was already perilously close to the edge, he knew, and a soft breeze was going to push him right over.

  Sanyam lined up and pressed inside, Fox’s body stretching to take him, and stillness fell over the room.

  “Meri jaan,” Sanyam said when he was hilted. “My life.” He began to move in slow, smooth thrusts, his rhythm even and steady, and Fox sobbed for air, running his hands up and down Sanyam’s arms. They were corded with tension, taut and ropy beneath Fox’s fingers, and Sanyam’s eyes were already developing that far-off gaze as he chased his pleasure, lower lip caught between his white teeth.

  Fox tilted his hips, there, and made a guttural noise as the head of Sanyam’s cock dragged over his prostate. He could feel the familiar tightening in his balls, the knot of pleasure in his groin burgeoning until he thought he might crack open, break apart at the seams from the sensations rippling through him.

  “C-close,” he managed through his teeth.

  Sanyam reached between them, gathering a handful of the dress again and stroking Fox’s shaft in time to his thrusts.

  “Come for me, jaaneman,” he ordered. “Let me see it.”

  Fox cried out, his toes curling, and obeyed, soaking the silk in heavy spurts, and Sanyam followed him on a groan, his head falling to Fox’s breastbone as he emptied inside him.

  They sagged onto the mattress in a sweaty, exhausted heap, Sanyam still buried in Fox’s core, his weight heavy and comforting on top of Fox’s frame. His breath tickled Fox’s skin, and Fox managed to lift a hand to slip it into Sanyam’s curls and cup his skull.

  “We ruined my dress,” he slurred.

  Sanyam laughed breathlessly against Fox’s collarbone. “I’ll buy you another one, maahi.”

  “Good,” Fox said and fell asleep.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  “AMPARO INVITED us to dinner next week,” Fox blurted as Sanyam set the plates on the table. “Cricket and Dorian too.”

  Sanyam’s eyebrows rose. “Is that something you want to do, kit?”

  “I guess so,” Fox said, affecting nonchalance.

  Sanyam put a long finger under Fox’s chin and tipped it up, his eyes keen as he searched Fox’s face.

  “Is it really?”

  Fox nodded. “Yeah. I want you to meet her. Plus maybe her granddaughters will hit on you instead of me.”

  “Then we’ll go,” Sanyam said, smiling, and bent to kiss him. “How are the twins, anyway?” he asked when he pulled away.

  “They’re good,” Fox said. “Cricket’s business is taking off—she’s been talking to some big-deal vintage-glassware collector about apprenticing for him. And Dorian just got a promotion at the aquarium, plus he and Tatum seem really happy together. The trust funds don’t give them much yet, but they’re doing well.”

  “I’m glad,” Sanyam said, sitting down.

  Fox cleared his throat. “So I’ve also, uh—been looking at colleges.”

  Sanyam’s smile lit the room.

  “There are a couple in Vancouver offering mosaic stuff, but more importantly, LaSalle does some great classes, and I’d like to take their graphic design courses, as well as some art theory to help me get a handle on things. I was thinking I’d still work at the ’Trap for as many hours as I need to pay for classes, and—”

  “I’ll help,” Sanyam said.

  Fox shook his head. “No.” He took Sanyam’s hand and stepped close as Sanyam’s face fell. “I want—I need to do this myself, San, don’t you see? I can’t coast by on your help like I did my father’s, and I know—I know, it’s not the same, but—”

  “It sort of is,” Sanyam agreed and curved a hand over Fox’s hip, fingers warm and intimate. “I’m so proud of you, gulbadan.”

  THEY TOOK a cab to Amparo’s house as Fox muttered yet again about the need for a car of their own.

  Sanyam just laughed and took his hand. “Maybe we can look at buying one soon.”

  “Really?” Fox perked up as the cab stopped.

  “It’s economically viable,” Sanyam said as he paid the driver. “I think we could find a nice little used sedan for a reasonable price.”

  Fox’s lip curled, and he slid out of the back seat. A sedan. Economically viable. It wasn’t until he heard Sanyam’s snicker that he realized he’d been had.

  “Can you blame me for teasing you?” Sanyam asked, amusement making his black eyes sparkle.

  “Fuck you too,” Fox retorted, but he couldn’t help his own smile as they walked up the path to Amparo’s front porch.

  Crystal flung the door open and launched herself at Fox, who staggered backward under the weight of her solid little body.

  “You’re here, you’re here!” she cried.

  Fox bent to hug her, smelling bubblegum and soap as his cheek brushed hers. “What’s up, pickle?”

  Crystal giggled. “Is this your boyfriend?”

  “Sanyam, meet the rival for my affections. Crystal, this is Sanyam.”

  Crystal looked Sanyam up and down. “I’m going to marry Fox if you don’t,” she announced, and Fox choked on a laugh as Sanyam’s eyebrows went up.

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Crystal,” he said, his lips twitching. “Thank you for warning me.”

  Fox poked Crystal in the ribs, making her yelp. “Go tell your abuela we’re here.” Crystal dashed inside, and Fox straightened to see Sanyam looking at him, eyes soft. “What?”

  Sanyam held out a hand, and Fox allowed himself to be pulled close.

  “For someone who doesn’t want kids, you’re very good with them.”

  Fox smiled and tucked his face into the crook of Sanyam’s neck as voices rose from inside the house. “Maybe they’re not so bad after all.”

  “You just left them on the porch? Are we gringos, Crystal?” Amparo came into view, tucking her gray-streaked hair behind her ears and smiling up at both men. “I’m so sorry about my granddaughter.” She tugged Fox down into a lavender-scented hug. “Hello, mijo, I’m
so glad you came. Introduce me.”

  Fox performed the introductions and Sanyam bowed over the hand Amparo held out to him.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you,” Sanyam said. “It’s wonderful to meet you at last.”

  Amparo dimpled at him. “Come inside. Let’s get to know each other.”

  THEY SETTLED on the couch with mugs of hibiscus tea that Crystal brought from the kitchen, her tongue protruding with concentration as she carried the tray to the table and set it down.

  She squeezed between Sanyam and Fox then, making herself comfortable and sipping her tea as they locked eyes in amusement above her sleek head.

  Amparo laughed out loud but let her stay.

  “Where’s the rest of the family?” Fox asked.

  “They’re on their way,” Amparo said. “I thought we’d ease you in—no point in throwing you in the deep end. Sanyam, what do you do?”

  “I’m a professional—ah—” Sanyam hesitated, glancing at Crystal, obliviously sipping from her mug. “I work at the Honeytrap.”

  “And that’s where you and Fox met?”

  Sanyam nodded, eyes softening as he glanced at Fox. “How long has it been, kit?”

  Fox did the math in his head. “Little over a year—almost thirteen months.”

  Crystal squirmed and tugged on Fox’s sleeve. “Fox, Fox. Guess what?”

  “What?” Fox asked obediently.

  “Do you know what ‘fox’ in Spanish is?”

  Fox shook his head.

  “Zorro!” Crystal announced triumphantly. “We should watch the movies. You can be Diego, and I’ll be Elena.”

  Sanyam muffled a snort in a hasty swallow of tea as Fox turned to Amparo, whose lips were twitching, but she took pity on him.

  “Cristal, my love, go set the table for me. There’s a good girl.”

  Crystal pouted but wriggled free and stomped off to obey as Amparo leaned forward, eyes alight.

  “Did Fox ever tell you about the time he made me a leaf sculpture?”

  “No!” Sanyam said, taking Fox’s hand. “How old were you, kit?”